My first Ghazal

Indelible Scent

We wait for the magic to happen
But it does not belong to either of us

In your car I felt a tiny spark
Penciling marks on the states I was mapping

You were wise not to kiss me at first
My body was still on fire

In your bed I am free
To let you see all of me

On my way to work the next day
I spell your name on my skin

We were so wise yesterday
Today you must push in the pin

In the bath tub I scour my skin
To remove your indelibile scent

broken record

Just regurgitating information
Just the hum of my heart like a slow fan coming to a crashing halt
I feel boring an overtired
and slightly catatonic; want to blame it on the jet lag,
the song in my heart is a broken, skipping record
the song in my heart isn't a song of thirty
and I am desperate for a solution
to time's hand on my chest like a steal grate
Why don't you find me irresistible?
What are you resisting.

Has a hard Time Making Friends

I'm checking my pulse at every stoplight
I am unsure who to be without you around
to create me, mold me into your carbon copy
lay flat on top of you, push me through
the xerox machine, make me perfect black
edges, make me speak like you do
hopeful and tragic and a little bit rude

I can't take the stare, eyes meet
I'm weak, I want to say, the fangs
are removable- most times--
my smile is delicate tracing paper--falls out &
crackles like burnt scraps

I'm not sure if you'd be okay with all of this--
all of the wanting, the fervent longing,
myt mouth wide open for you to slide
words into
Stare at me again, pose me,
a threat so I can react
adrenaline pulse through the crook of my neck,
a vein, purple bruise of the year

In former days I was less afraid
or perhaps I wore a loud mask
and put it over my face
so I could shout at you

I do all of my own stuntwork
I panic on airplanes and pull down my oxygen mask
Kerosine heart, I will
full-throttle,
jet start to your center
I will plow through rubble to find you
sleeping next to me, still perfectly warm.

Read it and weep (or not)

Madeline
　
Oh no
No more
Come on
I do all I can
I do all I can
And when I can’t that just means
I have nothing left to give
To you or anyone
No more begging
No more pleading with your eyes
Grasping wrists
No more trying to pull my eyeballs
Out of my head
No one I love ever pleads
No one I love ever tugs my wrists
Ot tries to bend the pipe cleaner
Of my heart
No one I love bothers to call
They make pacts with the devil
They click their spurs down highway 61
They scream and they spit blood cum
But no one I love ever comes
When I call their name
When I drag my body toward mirrors
Rearrange the lipstick and outline
The eyes in kohl
And try to impress
In the wrong dress
A funeral dirge rings
The bells of my ears
I am always teetering halfway
Between hell and high water
I am always expecting the worst
When I turn around
Half expecting that you won’t be
There anymore
There are songs I sing with my heart
The pull of my face against concrete
The slip and slide of my thin skin
Breaks blood on pavement
My fragile skull snaps off the chicken bone
Of my neck
You know, you do all this to me, lover
You do all of this so carelessly
As if you spilled milk
As if someone else is there behind you
A nurse maid or a janitor
To clean the mess of me up.

New Sheets on Sunday for S.

I saw a man stumble to right
Himself, stand up straight
Drop his backpack
To the ground & hover
Over it like some space ship landing…

He was wasted and I was
Thinking of you
On 42nd Street
Looking into the funny mirrored
Pillars, the reflection, emaciated.
I was skin & bones except
For the bottom of my stomach
Totally bloated…
I was staring at the people passing by

Reflections like gazelles
Gaunt and lustrous magazine
style perfection; I looked back
and they were just people
fat and unloved racing to some
stupid fucking job they hate

and I can't sleep
on this dismal train
back to a city that threatens to
eat all the toffee inside me
leave me carved out and vacant
as a dented toilet paper roll

because in your bed your body is still
& calm and I can kiss you on the mouth

While you are totally unconscious & you'll
Smile and brush the hair from my eyes even though


your eyes are closed & this is the first time in so long
That I haven't felt like an
Unwanted
House
Guest


I can call & tell you that I'm okay
When I get home from the big city
Yr so pretty
In the faint light
That glows in your bedroom
Through the windows
& the street lamps

Your eyes are telling me jokes
Your mouth is a fixed hello
Your hair is out of control
You make me sentimental
And not for some memory
But just for you

I have nothing to compare this to…


I am catching feelings
And you said it first on the 7
From Queens to 23rd St.
You held me hand
Stroked the inside of one palm
Said you were scared
Of the same thing
Happening again
That some girl you used to love
Said to you that:
Your money was her money &
her money was her money
& you know That I'd get by
But if I had it could I share?
& I was dumbstruck
Defensive
Because I wanted you to know
That I'd been
robbed blind
that I could
never cheat you
that no one
ever makes me
laugh like you do
so hard that I
cough rocks
that no one
makes me
calm
as you do
2 fingers
Bent inside my
Open mouth
I'll do whatever
You want

Happy
Happy happy
Because you
Never
Take take
Take care, happy
To take
You in my
Mouth
Your body soft & clean
Like new sheets on Sunday.