Jaws for Taryn

Your daddy was never
A daddy, he tried to slice
Your wrists once with a shard
Of glass in your sleep

Blondie with crooked teeth
Knashing your jaw
Science fiction face
That I loved
But no one else did

And you believe you should try
To stick this one out
Until your mom moved you away

To the Wilmington, North Carolina
Where a doctor took your nose

between his forefinger and thumb
Marked it in blue pen
And struck you with a hammer
Smashed the bone into 14 pieces
And re-aligned it, Pushed
your chin back in place
Sliced it with a shiny scapel
And left you sallow yellow
And puke green on some
Blue sheets in a hospital
In a town where no one knew your name
And I loved you

Somewhere thousands of miles away
I stared down at my half-smoked cigarette
Waiting for a point
Waiting for the fire to smolder the end
Into a crooked peak
To know that you missed me too

Taryn,
You were there for me when I wasn't there at all
Even for myself
You were my backbone
When they snapped mine into 47 pieces
And pushed them neatly into place with
Titanium and little slices of my hip
When I oozed blood from my back
Dripped like a broken water tap
You were there when I lied awake
Pushing a small red button down
With clenched teeth
The morphine drip
Sending me to the third precinct of hell
(Which is not such a scary place after all)
You were there when all the voices turned to static
And my mouth turned to cinder
So I couldn't kiss you on my mouth

You were my best friend
When I didn't even know what that meant
\n\n\u003cp\>Lying in the tepid bath with me
Legs bent, back arched
Your ribs springing from your stomach
like a deer, like a creature from another world
you were so mean sometimes
mean to everyone but me
because you could see all the gashes and
the disgrace behind my eyes
all the screaming and the whites of my
gaze turning red before it even happened and I always knew you'd be forever
and never at the same time
and one day you'd be gone
I didn't know ten years later
You'd be on the other line
Of the telephone wire
Wrapped around my
Polished nail so tight
it turned purple

I need you like I need
A hole in my head
And seriously I mean
That as a compliment
No I mean I need you
To steady me on this shaking earth
All this plate tectonics has me falling
Into small cracks in the pavement
Has me dreaming of your hands
On my head
Your laugh like a catastrophe
It sounds like I could save you
You need me but maybe I need you more
You never let me lie in my own shit
Lie to myself
Lie to you
Lie on top of you
When I was too trashed to know any better
You never let me go
Even when the rope stretched so
Far and I was hanging on by a tiny stitch
You are older now

Long pale hair to your ass
Like your mom
When she was dancing
At the playboy café
1977 when you werebarely a flicker in her eye
Before the tables turned
When she was drinking a bottle of cooking cherry
Tearing out her hair
because she loved you
like no one else did
not even me because I could never birth you from
a tiny place
I could never spill

Lying in the tepid bath with me
Legs bent, back arched
Your ribs springing from your stomach
like a deer, like a creature from another world
you were so mean sometimes
mean to everyone but me


because you could see all the gashes and
the disgrace behind my eyes
all the screaming and the whites of my
gaze turning red before it even happened

and I always knew you'd be forever
and never at the same time
and one day you'd be gone

I didn't know ten years later
You'd be on the other line
Of the telephone wire
Wrapped around my
Polished nail so tight
it turned purple

I need you like I need
A hole in my head
And seriously I mean
That as a compliment

No I mean I need you
To steady me on this shaking earth
All this plate tectonics has me falling
Into small cracks in the pavement
Has me dreaming of your hands
On my head
Your laugh like a catastrophe
It sounds like I could save you
You need me but maybe I need you more
You never let me lie in my own shit
Lie to myself
Lie to you
Lie on top of you
When I was too trashed to know any better

You never let me go
Even when the rope stretched so
Far and I was hanging on by a tiny stitch

You are older now
Long pale hair to your ass
Like your mom
When she was dancing
At the playboy café
1977 when you werebarely a flicker in her eye

Before the tables turned
When she was drinking a bottle of cooking cherry
Tearing out her hair
because she loved you
like no one else did
not even me
because I could never birth you from
a tiny place

I could never spill
Diamonds from my sleeves
Onto the table before you

Diamonds from my sleeves
Onto the table before you
Show you the answers

But you are her
23 with a southern drawl
A pocket knife
And a tea kettle
You are miraculous
I am finally waking up.